Delhi Day 7: The Big Fat Indian Wedding

Get ready folks, this is a long one! (If you're here for the pictures, scroll to the bottom.)

We were picked up from the hotel at 1 pm to begin the day’s festivities. The car was beautifully decked out in ribbons and a bouquet of colorful flowers on the hood. This signifies that a bride is riding in the car. We returned to Abhi’s family’s home for the Shagun, which is the exchange of gifts between the bride and groom’s family. The gifts primarily included gold jewelry and wrist watches. And a very important popcorn delivery for Grandma, her favorite kind from the states that Michelle went to five grocery stores to find!

After the Shagun, we returned to the Indian beauty parlor. This time, we snuck in wine.  Don’t judge! Based upon our last experience, we suspected it would be a long day – and it was. It took over 4 hours to get everyone’s hair and makeup done since they only have one person that does hair and one person that does makeup. In addition to hair and makeup, it took a good bit of time to dress Michelle. Y’all, that dress in all of its glory weighed 23 pounds. Can you even imagine? Not to mention all of the earrings, bangles, and necklaces. She was a trooper throughout it all and only turned down one tradition – wearing the giant hoop nose ring. As you’ll learn after reading this post, we were especially relieved that she didn’t wear it since it would have been for many hours!

We left the salon around 7 pm (the scheduled start time of the wedding) for the 15 minute drive to the venue, Lavanya Dreams. Picture a very grand, open room with high ceilings and lots of colorful spotlights. When we arrived, the place was already packed with people milling around. There was a huge buffet with just about any cuisine you could imagine and a bar (soda, water, coffee and tea only. Sigh. The Indians don’t know what they are missing out on by not drinking wine!). We were quickly ushered into a waiting room to keep the bride out of sight.

Abhishake had not yet arrived because he was in the procession from his home to the venue on a horse drawn carriage. This is known as the Baraat. It is like a parade with a marching band and crowds of people dancing in the streets. This was definitely a highlight of the night! We recommend watching the video clip to get the full effect. Abhishake wore traditional Indian attire, including a fancy turban. You could tell he was loving every minute of it! His male friends and family would hop up on the carriage to dance and take swigs of whiskey! Because there are so many people involved, it takes a long time for the carriage to move forward. It took over an hour for it to move nearly 100 feet. One of our favorite memories is looking out into the crowd and seeing our Dad bust a move. He was having the best time. Per tradition, Michelle wasn’t allowed to see Abhishake, so she was waiting inside the venue. Even though we weren’t supposed to, we snuck some footage to her of everything that was going on outside!

Before we left Houston, someone said the best piece of advice they could give us was to just go with the flow and expect that things will run behind schedule. Remember how we said the wedding was supposed to start at 7? It actually got started at 11 pm. We were a little irritated, mostly because we felt bad for Michelle that she had to sit and wait for so long. On a positive note, the staff was excellent about making sure she was well fed while she waited. She had no shortage of visitors that wanted to check on her and make sure she was doing ok.

When the groom made it to the entrance, a throng of family members was waiting for him behind a red ribbon to be cut. We each had a job to perform as part of the neem jhadai ritual. Jen’s was to splash water in the groom’s face using a sprig of neem (a small tree branch). Emily’s was a little more complex (she received the more detailed job because Jen probably wouldn’t have been able to remember all of the steps! ). Similar to the way we were greeted when we arrived at the Dabas family home for the first time, Emily held a tray of items (rice, rose petals, and a red powder) that was wafted in the groom’s face three to four times. Next, she applied a red dot and rice to Abhi’s forehead, and then threw flowers towards him before initiating the bargaining process – the part of the ceremony where we requested rupees and gold (thanks for the beautiful gold rings, Abhishake!). Once the groom officially entered, the Carman family (and Abhi’s sisters) gathered Michelle and we made our grand entrance to the foyer, where Abhishake was waiting. We then all proceeded down a red carpet to the center of the hall, where there was a stage set up with a couch for the bride and groom. One major cultural difference is in the way the bride is to portray herself. Abhi’s sisters continuously reminded Michelle to walk slowly with her head down, to not show her teeth, and to “look shy” (whatever that means!). Once we got to the stage, we posed for A LOT of photos – teeth and all.  Everyone was oohing and aahing from down below. Papapapapapparazzi!

Eventually, everyone but the bride and groom stepped down from the stage. They stayed up there for at least an hour while all 500 some odd people made their way to the stage to greet them and give them money, cards and small gifts. When we went shopping for our wedding outfits, one of Abhi’s sisters purchased a gold purse for Michelle, specifically for this part of the ceremony. It’s important for the bag to be gold, glitzy, and large enough to collect everything they would receive. By the end of the night, Michelle’s bag was full of cards, gold items, and over $100,000 Rupees (around $1500 USD). We could get on board with this tradition!

While Michelle and Abhi greeted guests, the rest of us ate. By this point, it was after midnight and we were STARVING. And, we all know that no one likes a hangry Jen! We hit up the elaborate buffet and loaded our plates with paneer, naan, dal, noodles, and more!

Not long after we finished eating, a DJ started to play (very loudly – another thing we’ve noticed here is that the music is always extremely loud!) and there was a little dancing, but it didn’t last for too long. We learned that the Sangeet and Ring Ceremony is typically the more fun event with dancing and drinks. People also seemed to be more dressed up the night of the Sangeet than at the actual wedding.

The crowd was starting to thin out and the dancing had come to an end, so we assumed that things were wrapping up. As it turns out, things were just getting started! Eventually, when it was family only left (which is still a lot of people), we were told it was time for dinner. Special dining tables were set up in the middle of the hall for all the family. It was around 1:30 am at this point and we were a little confused. Apparently we missed the memo about eating together! We learned during dinner that next on the agenda was the Hindu wedding ceremony, also known as the vivaah sanskar. This started around 2:30 am and lasted for about an hour. It was conducted in Sanskrit and consists of the bride and groom reciting seven vows to each other. Essentially, the vows state the following:

1. Together we will live with respect for one another. 2. Together we will develop mental, physical and spiritual balance. 3. Together we will prosper, acquire wealth and share our accomplishments. 4. Together we will acquire happiness, harmony and knowledge through mutual love. 5. Together we will raise strong, virtuous children. 6. Together we will be faithful to one another and exercise self-restraint and longevity. 7. Together we will remain lifelong partners and achieve salvation.

At 3:30 am, we were invited to the groom’s family home for games. We respectfully declined as everyone was exhausted by this point – and most of us were fighting upper respiratory infections, so we aren’t at 100%. We are very impressed at the stamina everyone has in Abhi’s family! They have no problem celebrating into the wee hours of the morning each night!

Similar to American weddings, the bride and groom leave in a getaway car. However, not similar, the groom’s mother left with the bride and groom. Instead of going to a hotel, the wedding night is spent at the groom’s family’s home. Typically, this is the first time the bride sees the groom’s home. We decided to hold off on giving her wedding lingerie until the Texas wedding in April. 

An Indian Wedding is a cultural experience like nothing we’ve ever seen. They are colorful, loud, over the top, filled with rituals, and most importantly, a lot of love. If you ever have the opportunity to attend one, it is worth the trip. The entire Dabas family has worked on the details everyday for the past 6 months, with each family member responsible for certain tasks. We appreciate all of the effort and thank you for welcoming us into your home and family! It was truly spectacular.

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Dabas!

In Collaboration with Jennifer Carman